


Time Against Us, Miles Between Us

by edgarallanrose



Series: Season 11 Destiel timestamps/codas [7]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 11x23 coda, Angst, Destiel - Freeform, Emotional Constipation, Episode Related, Episode Tag, Episode: s11e23 Alpha and Omega, Ficlet, Hellatus, Like You'd Expect Any Less From These Two, M/M, Spoilers, swears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-18
Updated: 2016-06-18
Packaged: 2018-07-15 21:35:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7239337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edgarallanrose/pseuds/edgarallanrose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean had been so ready for things to be alright. There was no big bad on the horizon. There wasn’t a worse problem he had created by solving the current one. He had done something right, goddammit. Not only that, but he had even been rewarded for it. </p><p>Things were supposed to be okay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time Against Us, Miles Between Us

**Author's Note:**

> And here it is! My (belated) coda to Alpha and Omega and therefore the end of this lil series. 
> 
> Title is taken from the Adele song "I'll Be Waiting" which is Destiel af. (But let's be real, every Adele song is an excellent ship song).

Dean had locked himself in his room.

He was crying. The tears were spilling more freely than he had probably allowed himself in years. He had been so ready for things to be alright. There was no big bad on the horizon. There wasn’t a worse problem he had created by solving the current one. He had done something _right_ , goddammit. Not only that, but he had even been rewarded for it. Things were supposed to be okay.

\---

_The moon bathed the graveyard in a gentle white glow. He couldn’t let go of his mom. Her hair still smelled like mint and rosemary shampoo; a scent he hadn’t consciously thought about in over thirty-five years, but would never be able to forget._

_“I didn’t want to leave you,” she kept saying. “I’m so sorry, I never wanted to leave.”_

_“It’s okay, mom. It’s okay.”_

_She pulled back finally and looked him in the eye._

_“What did you do, Dean? Why am I here?”_

_“Don’t worry. No demon deals, no magic. I helped somebody. You were a gift.”_

\---

Someone’s knuckles rapped softly on his bedroom door.

“Dean, it’s me,” his mom said softly.

He wiped his face off on the back of his sleeve and unlocked the door.

Mary had showered and changed into a pair of Dean’s sweatpants and a t-shirt. She didn’t say anything as she climbed next to him on the bed and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He’d been starved of this kind of affection virtually his entire life. Dean rested his head against her chest and let himself be coddled.

He didn’t know how much his mom knew. He didn’t want to tell her how Dad had died, why she hadn’t seen him Heaven. He didn’t want to tell her about the Mark, how the darkness had been released in the first place.

His whole life was a fucking embarrassment.

\---

_They couldn’t walk all the way back to the bunker, but Dean’s phone didn’t have any service. So they walked as far as the nearest payphone and he called Sam’s cell. It went straight to voicemail. He fed the phone more change and dialed Cas._

_“Hello?”_

_“Cas, hey, it’s me.”_

_“…Dean? We thought you were-“_

_“No, no I’m okay. I’ll explain everything later. Listen, I need to be picked up. I’m outside a gas station near the graveyard. Tell Sam I’ve got a surprise.”_

_“I don’t have a car. And I’m not with Sam.”_

_“What? Why not?”_

_“We were ambushed. There was somebody waiting for us in the bunker when we got back. They knew the banishing sigil. I’m sorry, Dean, you told me to watch out for him, I should have –“_

_“Hey, hey it’s fine. Let’s just…get cabs back to the bunker and figure it all out.”_

_“Alright, Dean.”_

\---

Mary started to hum “Hey Jude.” Dean shook.

\---

_Cas pulled Dean into an even tighter hug than when he thought Dean was about to die._

_“Hey, I told you I was alright, didn’t I?” Dean said, though he wasn’t about to release his grip on Cas either._

_A light cough behind him finally drew him away._

_“Oh, uh, Cas I’d like you to meet somebody. This is my mom.”_

_Cas, to his credit, looked completely unfazed and extended his hand to her._

_“Castiel. It’s wonderful to meet you Mrs. Winchester.”_

_“Just Mary, please.”_

_Cas turned to Dean._

_“I’m going to go in first, make sure everything’s clear before you come down. No more surprise attacks.”_

_Dean nodded, clapping him on the back and watched Cas disappear into the bunker._

_“Um,” Mary started, “who is Castiel exactly?”_

_“He’s my angel,” Dean replied without thinking._

_Mary stared at him with wide eyes._

_“Uh, I mean,” Dean backtracked, “literally. He is an actual angel. And my best friend.”_

_“An angel,” she whispered. “A real angel watching over my boys._

_Mary smiled, eyes shining._

_“Did your father ever meet him?”_

_Dean swallowed._

_“No.”_

_Mary thought for a moment._

_“I’m glad you have him, Dean.”_

_“Yeah. Me too.”_

\---

There was another knock on the door. Sharper this time.

Dean pulled away from his mom, though she kept a hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah,” Dean said.

Cas entered, pausing as he came through the door, unsure if he was intruding.

“I’m going to get some rest,” Mary said, standing to leave.

“Okay. You know where I am if you need anything,” Dean said.

She leaned over and kissed Dean’s forehead.

“Goodnight, sweetheart.”

“Night…Mom.”

Cas closed the door behind her.

\---

_There was blood on the library floor. Not enough blood loss to be fatal, but enough for concern._

_“It’s Sam’s,” Cas confirmed._

_“How do you know?” Mary asked, her voice high._

_“He knows,” Dean said._

_He took several deep breaths, pinched the bridge of his noise before continuing._

_“Look, we…we can figure this out. And trust me, mom, Sammy’s survived a hell of a lot worse. Let’s just…it’s late, let’s get you comfortable and Cas and me will…”_

_He couldn’t finish his sentence. He could barely breathe._

\---

“We’ll find him, Dean,” he said.

“I know.”

Dean didn’t know. Everything he thought he knew always turned out to be wrong.

“We can call Crowley and see if he has any ideas. I’m sure Rowena has several powerful tracking spells that we could-“

“Not…not them. Not tonight, I can’t deal with them right now.”

“Alright,” Cas conceded. “In the morning then. In the meantime I am tuned into angel radio. Sam may reach out to me through prayer.”

“Okay, thanks Cas.”

“He’s usually not as loud as you, but listening for him specifically should help.”

Dean’s hands curled on the edge of his mattress. He looked at Cas out of the side of his eye.

“Why do you think that is?” He asked. “That my prayers are louder, I mean.”

Cas shifted his weight.

“I couldn’t say.”

Cas was lying. Dean didn’t comment.

Cas swayed awkwardly again, like he couldn’t decide whether to stay or leave.

“Don’t go,” Dean said. His voice sounded small. He didn’t look up when Cas sat beside him on the bed.

“You know,” Cas said, “when I saw the Sun returning, and knew that you had succeeded and the world was saved, I expected to feel…relief. Or thankful. But I didn’t feel anything. I was empty. Cold inside.”

“Why?”

“Because I knew – or I thought – that the world being saved meant your death.” He let out a single huff of laughter, though there was no humor in it. “For a moment, I had even thought it might not have been so bad if we had just let the world be consumed and I saved only you.”

“I would never’ve let you do that, ya know.”

“I know.”

They were quiet for several long seconds.

“That was my very long winded way of saying I’m glad you’re not dead.”

Dean did laugh then.

“I got that, thanks Cas. I’m glad I’m not dead too.”

Then Castiel reached out for him, quickly like had decided to do it while he still had the nerve, and wrapped his arms around Dean. Dean tucked his chin down against the side of Cas’ neck and allowed himself to be held for the second time that night. This time he did not cry.

It was warmth and comfort. It was intimacy and quiet. It was everything he had ever wanted to share with Cas but had always been scared to. They were inching closer to each other until their thighs touched. Dean’s hands had started to wander up Cas’ side of their own volition. Their foreheads touched, fingertips trailed along cheekbones and jawlines. They were practically sharing the same breath. Then Cas moved, shifting his mouth almost imperceptibly towards Dean’s.

Dean pulled away, jumping up from the bed and turning his back to him.

“Not now, Cas. It’s not…it’s not a good time.”

He heard Cas’ deep sigh. Not a frustrated or angry sigh, just tired.

“When, Dean? When will it ever be a good time?”

Dean pressed the heel of his hand against his eye.

“I don’t know, Cas, just not now! I don’t have all the fucking answers, okay?”

Dean sensed rather than heard Cas approach him, felt his hand reach out and touch his shoulder. His right shoulder. Cas’ thumb stroked the scar of his own handprint that was hidden under the layers of fabric. Dean leaned into his touch and tried not to cry.

“Okay, Dean. It’s okay.”

Dean drew in a shaky breath and Cas wrapped another arm around Dean’s middle, pulling them together chest to back. Finally, Dean relaxed.

“It’s okay,” Cas repeated. “We’ll just…wait then.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, especially those of you who have been following along with the series!! It seriously means the world to me receiving all of your kudos and comments, and I do notice when you've read multiple works <3
> 
> I set out to write these coda/timestamps as a challenge for myself to be a little more prolific in my writing. And even though I didn't write for every episode I'm still proud of the amount I accomplished with all the other shit I've been dealing with. 
> 
> I already have a few hiatus fics in the works and I'm also participating in the Dean/Cas Big Bang this year! So stick around for more angsty Destiel feels. 
> 
> Follow me on the tumblrverse! [edgarallanrose](http://edgarallanrose.tumblr.com/)


End file.
